stranger! danger!

tonight i went to the airport to pick up yuko, our most recent resident. she was not expecting me and i had never spoken to her, so the entire interaction was unpredictable at best. george equipped me with a solid set of directions, a green umbrella, and a cardboard sign that said "i neither know you, nor do i have your limo waiting."

accesories like that attract more than their share of attention at a baggage claim, but everything was going smoothly until this interaction:

wait.
excuse me?
hold on. i'm reading your sign.
(i pause)
is someone paying you to do this?
what?
someone's paying you to do this, right?
no.
so, you're just... doing this?
uh-huh.
huh.
.....
you know what?
what's that?
you're about the same age as my middle child.
huh.
......
can i...?
huh?
can i ask how old you are?
how old is your middle child?
eleven.
i'm not eleven.
what?!?!?
you're almost thirteen years off.
(he stares. and stares. and stares.)
well...you know what?
what?
i'm not a pervert or anything, i mean, my oldest child is almost nineteen, but...
(i am no longer making eye contact, as i am frantically scanning the crowd someone i don't know that is not going to recognize me)
well, you see, i'm looking for a second wife now and she's got to be between the ages of 25 and 30...
(i am getting ready to start walking towards anyone at this point, anyone at all)
and isn't it that funny? you're old enough to be my second wife! what do you think about --
(i am walking away now. i am walking quickly.)